Entry 1: We build walls. Early in our history it became clear that in order to survive the journey of life, we must learn to protect ourselves from the negative insurgency. This amorphous enemy is derived from that which makes us human in the first place. The innate capacity to have doubt. Will we fail? The desire for positive momentum is a powerful source of energy for all of us. We thrive as the quest for physical, mental and spiritual strength drives our abilities and stifles our fears. However, this intrinsic drive can be easily contorted if misdirected by the power of negativity and fear.
My close friend Jeff invited me on this epic journey because he felt like it would be amazing to complete his dream of running a marathon on every continent with a fired up Frogman. After two years in the making we finally synched our schedules and committed to the journey. I have never run a marathon before. The most I’ve ever run was in BUDS during 3rd Phase, when our class ran in formation from Coronado to Imperial Beach and back. I remember this prideful day like it was yesterday. Wearing UDT Trunks and Combat Boots we strode like young giants in the ankle deep surf for 14 miles, singing cadence and filling the skies and our souls with a pure sense of immortality. We were young lions parading across the planes of victory. China is a long way from the sandy shores of Southern Cal, and I am no longer the young lion filled with a recently forged sense of immortality. However, I am still seeking victory next to a swim buddy.
Victory for me over the past 20 years has been repeatedly inhibited by my own walls within. Chasing dreams is not easy. Especially when I’ve been so easily distracted by fledgling self-confidence and an inability to embrace my fears. I believe I’ve built the walls within as a buffer to the barren reality of failure. Failure to live up to my own expectations and the perceived expectations of others. That’s why now, even after achieving so many positive dreams and helping so many find a source of positive thinking through Froglogic, I still doubt my ability to endure the lifelong quest of conquering the negative insurgency within.
Doubt is a powerful opponent. Forged by the distant sensibility known to most as acceptance. Not knowing whether or not your actions will have meaning to those you love is a scary possibility. Why does it matter so much? Because all of us want to please those who make us feel good. The problem is when the negative insurgency grabs hold of their hearts and generates the comparative reason that slides them into a jealous state making it impossible to please everyone. This very first negative reaction represents the very first stone we place to protect us within. The Wall begins.
I am here now to tear down the Great Wall I have been building for decades. Piece by piece, step by step, mile by mile I plan to deconstruct my doubt and open the closed spaces of my soul to the infinite possibility of a newly formed perspective. A perspective built on the love I have for myself and those who love me most. I will carry the cadence of lions across the Great Wall and be victorious once again.